Everyone wants to have a superpower. But really, if we ever do get one, would we really use it for the greater good? Would we sacrifice a night out with our drinking buddies to save total strangers? Would we wear colorful underwear on the outside and save the world? Fat chance!
If I had to choose a superpower, I'd want one that I could use in my daily life, not the usual but impractical ones. I wouldn't want to Fly so I could avoid traffic - and get to work with mussed-up hair. Invisibility so I could rob banks? Naah, it's a crime to do so and I might catch a cold walking around naked. No way to Super strength; don't wanna destroy a whole block when I fart. X-ray vision to look at female underwear? Hmm.
Anyway, here's a list of powers that won't necessarily make us heroes, but make us feel, ahem, super:
1. The power to give someone Diarrhea - the ultimate revenge against arrogant security guards, rude sales ladies and taxi drivers who refuse to give you a ride. Give them the runs for being mean to you.
2. Teleporting others - guy in front of you at the ATM doesn't know how to operate the machine? Zing! he's right at the back of the line. Moron in the fastfood counter taking too long to order? Zing! inside the restroom he goes. Inconsiderate driver cut you off to get that last free parking slot?Zing! him right in the middle of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Endless possibilities.
3. Possessing babies for 5 seconds - enough time to give the "aww, he's so cute"-while-making-a-weird-face adult the finger, or telling them in the baby's angelic voice: "kiss my butt!" The reaction would be priceless.
4. Seeing 2 hours into the future - great for placing bets during the NBA finals or Pacquiao fights. Use the power and count the money afterwards.
5. Making others speak with Spongebob's voice - Your boss giving you a dressing down won't hurt as much if he sounded like our favorite Bikini Bottom resident.
7. The ability to freeze another person's facial expression immediately after he sneezes - no real value but great for laughs.
8. Transforming vehicles into unicycles - Let's see what those irritating politician bodyguards with their blaring sirens that swerve in front of your car or those inconsiderate motorcycle drivers do when they suddenly take control of a circus vehicle in the highway.
9. Sticky mouth - victim develops a glue-like substance on the lips, thereby preventing him from uttering a word, perfect for the talkative ones in theatres.
10. and, okay... X-ray vision!
