Everbody knows someone who looks like this...

Sing a song of Singapore

Captains Log: 2nd full moon of July, 2012:

After 60 days at sea, we finally hit land.
According to our maps, we have dropped anchor in the island called Singapore.  Scouts' initial reports say that this is a nation awash in beauty and culture, where vestiges of its rich past co-exist harmoniously with its modern vibrant metropolis.  I am intrigued and eager to find out more about this new habitat we have discovered.  As such, I and my trusted companion shall delve into this place of wonder and mystery.  Our first stop, upon insistence of my little ward, were to be their market places, in search of opportunities to establish trade routes.  

And so, we ventured forth...into the unkown.



Our travels brought us to a myriad of merchant establishments.  The natives were hospitable and agreed to barter with us:

The Marina Bay Sands.  Oddly, there was not a grain in sight

The various spices at Central in Clarke Quay 

Citylink Mall

Vivo City

New footwear from Velocity Mall

Bugis Junction

Raffles City Shopping Centre

More spices at Takashimaya

Establishing contact with the natives at Ion Orchard

On the second day, as we were practicing our skills in hand-to-hand combat, a scout interrupted our session to ask us to hurry and follow him, which we immediately did, seeing he was trembling with fear.  

We then chanced upon the reason for his terror - a giant monstrosity that seemed like an amalgamation of lion and fish.  The natives we had befriended told us that this was The Merlion - the guardian of their great nation, and there was nothing to be afraid of.

A few yards from the Merlion, we discovered a giant monolith that told us that these people already had some knowledge of astronomy. Behind this strange depiction of our world (it was not flat as we know, but round in shape - such ignorance!) lied a city of wonder where we would be totally immersed in the culture of this fine nation - a place called Universal Studios!!!

As we entered its gates, our mouths were agape at the beauty and grandeur of this vast city. 

 We marveled at its architecture...

                                                            Met its wonderful people...

                                                             
                                                              Savored its exotic cuisine...

                                                            Roamed with its wild beasts...

                                                And traveled through time to catch glimpses of its past...

                                                                   ...and its future.

 Yes, never have I seen a place so puny in size but gargantuan in its splendor.  My men and I have decided to settle in this beautiful island, as we are sure that there shall be more mysteries to unravel and things to discover.  For now, we shall sing songs of this great land as we partake of their ale and Hershey's chocolates.

This is your captain, signing off.

Attack of the hormones

Don't you sometimes wish your kids would stop growing old so they would be cute forever? That time comes usually when your kids reach 5 to 6 yrs, the age when they perform song and dance numbers for you on a whim, when they give you drawings of you and mom with an accompanying "i love you" scribbled below, and when you ask them to fetch you a Coke from the ref or give you a back rub they would do so with nary a complaint - totally adorable!

Sadly, if that were the case, our walls would be permanently marked with doodles, and the world's supply of McDonald's Chicken Nuggets and Fries would run out.  So to preserve the balance of the life as it were, God chose for our kids to grow up, which is exactly what my daughter Camy is doing at the moment.

I remember when I would lightly toss her above my head (not too high, of course) and catch her on the way down, which made her squeal with delight.  Now just lifting her would put me in traction.  The cute wrestling matches I had with her before...she now wins.  And never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that my own flesh and blood, the most wonderful thing to have come into my life, would be sprouting, God forbid, a butt.  These and a whole lot of physical transformations are happening to my baby at a such a rapid pace, I wouldn't be surprised if she grew a beard.

From a little angel...

...to a budding hot mama. 

As the physical changes and the speed in which they occur surprise me, it's the transformation of her mental faculties that leave me scratching my head.  For one, she seems more...mature now.  She wants privacy when she dresses up, doesn't watch too much cartoons anymore (except Spongebob Squarepants) and wants to buy shoes, lots of them.  She now also talks like a young adult, meaning she utters phrases such as "I know, right?" and ends her every sentence with "ish".  She also reads the popular online acronym 'lol' (laugh out loud) as one word.  A typical conversation would go like this:

Me: "How was school?"
She: "Oh, fine..ish."
Me:  "That's good."
She:  "I know, right?"
Me:  "Your sister wrote on the walls again."
She: "lol"

Say goodbye to long, meaningful conversations.

Not to say that our love for her has dwindled one bit.  It's just that as parents, we just have to give her a little leeway and let her deal with those extra hormones and accept the fact that we shall be dealing with a whole new set of problems now - from diapers, toys and making a mess, to grades, looks, and (sigh) boys.

Although, she's growing up to be a smart, fine-looking lady (with quirks, of course), I sometimes miss hearing her 'baby' voice and the time when she would sit on my lap while I was typing at the computer.  In other words, when she was...'cute'.

But the good news is...I have a spare :-)

Sharks Inc.

This "cyclops shark" was captured in the Sea of Cortez, Mexico:

Unfortunately, the fetus was already dead by the time it was removed from its bull shark mother.  As such, its closest living relative was immediately notified:

Why you should love mom and dad

One of the commandments says you should "honor thy father and mother".  Yes, the uncool old guys that embarrass you in front of your friends, the mom who makes you stand in the corner, the dad who breaks wind when you pull his finger...you owe them big time.  Here's why:
  
1.  No matter what you looked like as a baby, they still found you cute.      

Let's face it, not all babies are born beautiful.  Some, in fact, look like bats. 

"Mommy!"

That said, whether you looked like an angel fallen from heaven or the spawn of Satan as a baby, your parents thought you were the most beautiful thing on earth.  They appreciated you and loved you no matter how you looked, tail and all.
                 
2.  They never failed to wake up when you cried in the middle of the night.

"I'm hungry, may I have some milk?" or "I seem to have soiled my pants. A change of diaper, please" to a baby all translates to "Waaaahhhhh!!!!" at three in the morning.  Mommy or Daddy (mostly mommy) then had to come out of REM stage to put you back to sleep again.  You can actually tell if a couple has a newborn when both of them have eye bags.

3.  They touched, smelled, and even tasted your body waste.

I mean, really.  If this doesn't merit even an ounce of respect from you, then your last name must be Lecter.  You subjected your parents to your three P's (Pee, Poop and Pfffft) and sometimes in public.  In the pic above, baby is all smiles while mom hides her revulsion off-camera. Eew.

4.  They allowed themselves to be manipulated by your tears.

Children have a secret weapon they use on their parents to get what they want - crying (the other one, which works particularly well on grandparents, is being cute).  They see mom and dad come a-runnin' when tears start to fall, so, armed with their ability to cry at will, they always get that new toy or piece of candy.  Smart parents eventually catch on to this, and learn to distinguish real tears from those made by their little crocodile.

5. They didn't buy the stuff they wanted so they could buy the stuff YOU wanted.

Your parents sacrificed owning a new dress or cellphone to get you the latest (and most expensive) toy for your birthday, which you then proceeded to destroy after only a few minutes.  Tsk.Tsk.

6.  And the most important reason - they kept you alive.
You've heard stories about parents drowning their children, leaving them inside a parked car, or just recently, cooked in a microwave oven - lucky you.  Plus,  food, clothing, shelter, medication and education, in other words, raising you to hopefully become a decent human being, cost your parents a fortune. 

Repay them by...
...well, becoming decent human beings.  Study hard, get a job, stay away from drugs and don't get (or get someone)pregnant out of wedlock. Give them something to brag about to their friends during high school reunions and make them feel that all their sacrifice was worth it.

And accept the fact that as your mom and dad grow older, it will be your turn to take care of them.

Best of all, give them grandchildren (that hopefully don't look like bats...though it's fine with them).

Quitters never win...except in this case.

It's been more than a month since I had a real cigarette.  

Believe me, all smokers want to quit but quit quitting at the onset of withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal symptoms, for those unfamiliar, are your body's way of reminding you that it's time to smoke, and it will not stop nagging you until you light up.  Remember the uneasy, something's-missing feeling you have if you step out of the house without brushing your teeth? Pretty similar to what you go through the first few weeks of quitting, but a lot more intense.

Another reason it's so hard to give up is because smoking makes you feel good, period...and when you quit, you take away that endorphin rush.  Smoking makes you smell like hell, though, and that is the main reason for my wanting to kick the habit - not the health benefits nor the wrinkle-free skin...but the stink from my breath, on my fingers and on my clothes.

As is the case with most smokers, I made quitting my New Year's resolution, and I told my daughter about it. Predictably, and again like most smokers, I never pushed through with my promise.  But the defining moment came a few days into 2011 when said daughter told me as I was enjoying my after-dinner puffs: "Dad, I thought you were going to stop smoking."  

So that was it.  I took the plunge because I didn't want my children to think of their father as one who does not keep his promises.  So come on, withdrawal symptoms, let's dance.

There's a nifty device called the e-cigarette that can help quitters.  I started by alternating the e-cig with the real thing until I weaned myself from the foul-smelling variety.  After e-smoking full-time for about two weeks, I have reached the point where I just take the occasional puff at night, and eventually, I shall also do away with it entirely when the cravings stop (and they will). 

  

More effective than chewing gum

I didn't write this to promote the e-cigarette or extol the benefits of kicking the habit.  My point is, the only thing that can make a parent go through hell and high water (and withdrawal symptoms) is his kids. Thanks for saving my life, Camy. 

Daddy doodle

Sofie, my 5-year old daughter (and future wife of Justin Bieber) drew a picture of me. Cute.

Then it dawned on me.  In my daughter's eyes, I look like '9' from the Tim Burton movie.